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SEO Companies, try using your brains (snark follows)

Dear “SEO Company” (any of those who have left a message for me on my site),

Thank you so much for your kind offer to help me increase traffic to my site. I’m so glad you contacted me, as I’ve been DESPERATE to improve my search engine rankings. (In fact, how did you even find me with such low rankings?!)

I have a few questions before we get started:

1) Your email address is a generic gmail account. At first I was kind of surprised you didn’t have your own domain account, but now I’m thinking it is brilliant. Why, lots of people must think you work directly for Google. Plus you are saving a few bucks in the process. Should I do the same thing and get rid of my branded email address?

2) Your note says you have “helped a lot of businesses thrive in this market”. Which market do you mean? (I’m sure you meant to include it. I certainly don’t imagine that you were spamming me with generic marketing text, right?)

3) Your note said when I contact you I should make sure to “include my company’s website address (mandatory) and or phone number”. But since you filled out my contact form, don’t you already have my website address? Plus, if it is mandatory, why say “and or”? (You’re right…I’m just nitpicking.)

4) I’m thinking there is no point in giving you my phone number anyway. You didn’t include your phone number, so I’ll bet you don’t have a phone.

5) You don’t seem to have a website of your own, or at least you didn’t leave a company name OR a website URL for me to check. That makes me think that perhaps websites are old news anyway. You clearly don’t think they are worth the time and effort, or you’d have one yourself! So perhaps I just just forget the website and SEO altogether.

Thanks again for your swell message. I can’t wait to meet you and learn all about your amazing skills.

Avonelle

Posted by Avonelle on Monday, September 21, 2009.

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